you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
