I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
