I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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