dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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