last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
