I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize