I've blown a few things in my day
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
