Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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