Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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