tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
