I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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