she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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