i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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