I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Terrible idea I love it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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