had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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