why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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