if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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