yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
