it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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