Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she looked like the before picture.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
