"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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