and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize