I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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