Your face is a jimmy john
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
