She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
