I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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