I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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