All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
