things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
