eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
