Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
