If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
