I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
