Yo dont text me then not text me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
