Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize