If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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