The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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