if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
