i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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