how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
