I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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