Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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