All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
