Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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