I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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