it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
