I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
