I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
