Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
