The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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