While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
