You're a womanizer and a bitch.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
