no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
