You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
