She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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