Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
