I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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