How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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