Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
