Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
