well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
