well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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