I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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