he told me I talked like a deaf person
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
