why didn't you poke me back
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
