I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
