Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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