I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
