you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
